To Landon...

08/22/2017


It is a complete honor to stand up here to speak some words for Landon, to give a tribute to my nephew and my brother. To give a tribute to a friend of many, a uncle, a cousin, a grandson, a son, a husband and a fellow father.  The support has been immense, the love spread the last week could fill up lake beds and topple mountains. And I for one have loved all the family time i’ve had this week, even though every day is full of confusion, dazed stares with glossy eyes, and the garbage full of soaked tissues. Landon’s light is bright. It’s easy to see how much he’s loved.

To Louie --

First -- Landon -- the last week i’ve stayed up late, i’ve woken early, i’ve sat alone and dwelled on you. I’ve scoured Facebook and read all the wonderful things everyone has said and the memories they all cherish. So many comments on your smile and so many on your heart.  Every person you’ve crossed paths with you’ve taught them with your genuine smile and your enormous heart.

As I sat and dwelled on you --

You taught me about sacrifice, you taught me about selfless love.

I will always be a better person because of these things.

The powerful feeling I have while writing this is because of how true it is, and every person here knows it because they met you, they laughed with you and they smiled next to you.

You and your legacy will easily continue today and tomorrow and forever from these things.

You will always be my motivation to fight through struggles, work hard, act without fear and smile through the pain. Three cheers to you my nephew, we are here for you, we are here to celebrate you, to cherish you, to continue your legacy, to now continue what you can't. You will never be truly gone, maybe from our sight but never truly gone. Every day we will experience life with you and for you. Every time we smile it’s a dedication to you.

I have canned lights in my house that will always shine bright because you put them there. I have two toned paint on my walls because you painted it there and I have grass in my yard for my son to play on because you helped me plant it. You lived an hour away from me, but you never hesitated if I needed help because that’s who you are and that's who i want to be.

You are my nephew, you are taller than me and that's because i’ll always look up to you.

My memory of you will always be a happy one.

You have left an afterglow of smiles now that life is done.

You will forever be an echo whispering softly

Of happy times, of laughing times, of bright and sunny days

Our tears will never dry from your bright and sunny ways

My memory of you will always be a happy one.

To Lisa and Ashley

There’s no magical, invisible wall clock that’s ticking, pressuring you to get over and “deal with” this. There’s no one telling you that you need to fly past the “angry” or “confused” stage by next week, month or even year. You’re allowed to take as much time as you need to heal.

Don’t think that you have to get back to “normal” — that will never happen, and it’s a damn good thing. The pain you feel when you miss him is never going to go away and that’s okay. Because, even though you don’t feel it yet, but you’re stronger than you have ever been in your life, and you’re capable of doing things that you were never capable of doing before and that’s exactly what Landon wants.

You are not expected to be perfect. Your struggles build character. Your experiences make you unique. You are intricate, complicated, seasoned and beautiful. Don’t ever be ashamed of your past. Just remember that the decision to start the healing process is entirely up to you. So when you’re ready, get out there and take a chance on yourself to find peace past the pain. Landon will never let you go alone and neither will the rest of us.

To Harper

I want to share with you a moment I had with my son after his grandpa passed…

We were laying in bed and he says “hey dad…”

I said “yes Rivers?”

He said…”you know how I know Grandpa is never gone?”

I said ‘How Rivers?”

He said “because he will always be in my memories.”

I said “that’s perfect Rivers, who taught you that?”

He looked at me and said “you did Dad…”

Harper -- if there’s anything I can teach you for your future, I want to teach you this. Your dad will never be gone, he will always be with you, holding you, guiding you, and smiling for you. He is in the best heaven possible and that is in the memories of all your loved one’s around you.

There are so many amazing memories of your dad, you’ll have so many to learn who he was. Your dad was an incredible human who i’ll never know the like of and i’ll never forget. He’s in a heaven of happy memories inside all of us. And even though it kills me inside he’s gone from you, I hope some day the stories we have of him will bring you comfort and make you smile. There are non-stop stories of your Dad and i’m sure you will learn them all some day.
I hope i can gain the same relationship with you that I had with Landon.

I hope someday you’ll read this and it will help you.  Your dad would help me and anyone without even questioning and he’d be happy the whole time, and I will help you if ever need me. It was an honor to be his uncle and it’s an honor to be your uncle.

In closing --

To my sweet nephew:

I love you dearly.

This has been a daunting week for me, as i sat and watched my mother cry, my sister's struggle, my nephews in pain, my nieces feeling lost and my son full of questions. I realize even more that this is something that will never get easy. Every second of every day.

But if I asked Landon what he would do, I know he would sweep every one of you up in his big arms, hug you tight and then some how… some way… he would make you smile.

Hug your loved one’s, hug them tight and hug them often. Landon has taught us all this last week how strong we are as a family. How strong our love is and how strong his was.

Now there will be days that are harder than others, but when we remember Landon, we will smile. Let’s all smile for Landon, because his was one of the best. Every time I smile, it will be part of him.

When someone I love passes, my way of coping is imagining them doing what they love best. To me, it’s that feeling inside you get when you are in a place of peace, I think we all have felt it. When you are surrounded by loved ones, when you are on your favorite mountain top with that clean cool breeze in your hair, or camping flaming gorge and waking up to the hot sun, or hunting a mountain side and the world just kind of stops spinning because that moment is … perfect.

Landon has moved on but his energy has not and I now imagine him in a valley full of deer, he’s the buck leading the herd. He’s the buck bouncing up the mountain side while the sun is setting, he stops at the top and looks back. He see’s a lake with a boat, a beach, a firepit and some fresh kokone salmon frying up. The soft rumble of his 4 wheeler ready to take off over a sand hill to the south. And to the west the leaves whistle in the cool breeze as the wind swoops down the valley, the fire flickers and the grass around the hurd shuffles through and through.  The buck bounces down and away.  The feeling is still there but he is now out of sight. The memory’s are still burning bright, the spark of Landon will now never be put out.

I love you Landon, Thank you for the opportunity to serve as your unc. Thank you for giving me teary eyes when we talked of our kids together. Thank you for showing me your excitement of when you fell in love with Ashley and your enthusiasm of becoming a dad. Thanks for being you, and you i will never forget.

Three cheers my sweet nephew.